I was speaking to a friend earlier this week, and she was basically letting off steam about her relationships not going well and how people around her (practically strangers) were calling on her for favours and not even showing any gratitude when she helped them out. She’s the kind of person who, no matter how busy she is, would never say NO to anyone asking for help even if it was at a huge inconvenience to her. She is also extremely fed up with her immediate family’s expectations of her.
Without going into the detail and drama of the areas of her life that are a challenge, knowing her as I have for the last 35 years, I can see the pattern from which she lives her life. And with certainty, I can tell you that this pattern or wiring in her mind is one that she’s always lived her life by.
What I mean here is that the person you are, e.g., your likes/dislikes, reactions to your family, spouse, friends, the boss, and a whole host of other behaviours, is a pattern you have learnt.
Are your behaviour patterns making you unhappy and frustrated because success is passing you by? Then take comfort because you can change the wiring from which you see and react to the world.
Really wanting to help my friend, these are the very steps I suggested she adopt:
- Choose an area of your life that is currently not working.
- Decide your outcome—what you would like to see happen, e.g., in my friend’s case she wanted to deal with unsolicited requests from strangers. She decided that rather than giving in to every request because she’s too polite to say NO, she would say NO in the future if it suited her to not help.
- Stick to your guns. In my friend’s case, that means sticking to the plan of saying NO.
BEWARE that changing your pattern or your way of thinking/behaving is going to feel uncomfortable.
You’ll feel guilty, people will be surprised and say you’re not yourself, and without a doubt you’re going to feel a whole host of other unpleasant emotions. It’s ok to feel this way.
Beware that changing who you are, especially if it’s not working for you, will make you want to revert back to an old set of behaviours because it’s far easier to slip back into old habits than to create new ones.
I don’t need to have known you for 35 years to pick out your pattern.
Is there an area in your life that’s currently not working?
Let’s arrange a time to speak.
Neera Menon
Goal Achievement Coach
PS. Get in touch because I’m happy to help you live your best life.
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